i’ve been rather at odds with myself & in the world these past few months, but recently it’s been getting way, way better & i just want to express gratitude for that. it is honestly trying to even think about what went down — the series of bad choices, bitterness, and the emotional hoarding that made me feel as though my soul was being strung along, attempting to drift with a corpse on its back. i am just glad i’ve shed it off now. i look upon days as golden, nuanced ones with a vague kind of quiet happiness stemmed from within. it’s silly really, how amazingly & exceeding stupid i’ve been.. but i guess we learn from our mistakes; which brings to mind a quote by Wilde: ‘experience is the name people give their mistakes’ — but i guess that’s how we move on & plough on through the daily grind of life. well, there isn’t a better time to shake everything off in flight (and give it hardly a frowning hour) & remind oneself with deliberate constancy that your loss should not conquer you. Move on slowly.
(i have to learn to be a kinder, softer, more thoughtful person.)
i was reading snippets of I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings and i feel wonderfully calm now; listening to the salty hum of my thoughts. there is always reason to fall back on, and to this i pray acceptance will keep shifting its steps closer to the truth.
thank you, anyway. it had been long, it was kinda messed up at certain points.. but i’m more than glad to leave all these behind.