how can we be born like this — with the capacity to question and think and yet can be so intricately driven by something so.. intangible and immaculate and fleeting? we are told to question, and at the same time, accept. and i see around me people who do exactly it. acceptance in the intangible. the perfect accordance & observance of cardinal rules. i understand it’s sometimes done with acquiescence, and i do always fluctuate between the fine line of acceptance & repulsion, but why is it so downright difficult to delve into each dichotomy?
a life without faith is admittedly impossible for me. i see it in everything. i see the intricacies, the love of the earth, the way the light folds into the thin yellow curtains every morning. i feel it in the space between my fingers, the ache that spreads invitingly across time, furry animals that bite your toes. today’s lesson actually provided a basis of my own interpretation — perhaps omni-benevolence isn’t something that co-exists with free will. but then again, if Fate is a deciding factor, free will essentially is nonexistent.
i just think we cannot bear to simply focus on the good things and disregard the bad that doesn’t happen to us. after all, ‘there’s a universe of people outside and you’re responsible for it.’ reasons, reasons, various disparate reasons we cannot fathom and we are encouraged to not question the things we cannot know. and perhaps that is why such an institution that has bearings on irrationality (like love.) can stand. and here, i am torn because of this beauty and the breakdown of this same beauty in the same snap.