i can never write more than half a sentence before deleting it, re-editing it, crossing it out line by line, paraphrasing, soaking it in curious ambiguity — for fear of being offensive, too open-minded, too liberal, and it goes on & on.
saw this bit in a post from Humans of New York, —
“What’s the biggest crime you’ve ever committed?”
“I’ve never been a constant in anyone’s life.”
i just hope that this will never happen to me in this trajectory. what we need in life are hugely cyclical human constants (and i am truly lucky to have them) and for me.. i have to work on my constancy in faith. but it can be really hard with all the white noise trumpeting over the quiet whisper of this sacred cardinal relationship. it’s so easy to quote choice bits from the book of poetry and write it off as being (sorry, kurt vonnegut, your axiomatic line has been abused) everything was beautiful and nothing hurt but i don’t believe we can discount instances where certain things just have to be called into question.
if anything, i believe it is always truly possible to work around it, work for it, and be your own light so it shines so inexorably, so mellow yet undeniable — and project your faith through your this light. i don’t like forcefulness, i don’t appreciate powerful rhetoric — no matter how intricately poetic it is — when it comes to personal matters of the mind, heart, soul. it’s gentleness. it’s selfless action. it’s being grateful, being happy with what you do have.. that draws people into your light.
for me, it’s weird because i’ve always been spiralling in dichotomous oscillations with regard to issues like that. i realised even though i have been callously keeping it far apart and only calling to it when i need it for a long time, the constancy staunchly stays quietly by my side — in the form of my wonderful family, both nuclear & extended, my friends who put up with so much, the niceness & goodness i see in so many people. that’s just.. to say the least, heartwarming. it just fuels me, and fills me with so much hope & love.
i know many people say the world’s getting worse, and honestly i don’t know how i feel about that. but i do know we, for ourselves and for everyone else, have to try to be better for it. yeah.
[just thoughts on a chilly saturday evening, when i should be prepping for economics instead. fun times.]