1. wake up.
2. wake up still.
3. wake up crying incomprehensibly beyond the feeling of your in-between dream.
4. just buy the damn cup of coffee (kopi peng gau, extra ice) from the uncle downstairs.
5. be okay following your intuitions (or just listen out for the sinking feeling of caution).
6. take your journal, write it it. write in your dullest mode of the stream of consciousness. write it in a way that reflects your thought, which has been noted to be in a scatter (like how your linguistics teacher called you a scatterbrain) most times most days.
7. tell yourself it’s not so bad when life throws you what you assumed was meaning and poetry wrapped in a odd personage of smoke & detachment, even though venturing into it was naught.
8. so you became naught, and it’s exactly this zero that created a blank slate of your renewed view.
9. tell yourself ‘i will be the remedy.’
10. when in actuality the poison drowns out any semblance of the cure.
11. realise all there is was guilt interweaved with the notion of becoming the saviour, and also the challenge of not choosing the path with least resistance.
12. realise you’re kinda dumb.
13. notice the sunshine? yes. it was always there. you have it in you.
14. the dullness & darkness & deception was a mere facade to your tendency for idealism, except this idealism was given too many chances.
15. go, lovely, go.
16. you go too – to your soon-to-be college’s movie marathon night and vaguely watch ‘the breakfast club’ (which you hated, as much of a cult classic as it is) and ‘the grand budapest hotel’ (which you fervently admired the symmetry of its cinematography but ditched it afterwards for an impromptu college tour and chats on the manicured green lawn).
17. drop your strawberry (pierced precariously through a fragile wooden poke) into the chocolate fountain. notice your soon-to-be-college friend eye you with disdain.
18. but it’s okay, it’s all good.
19. and it really is better than what you thought you deserve.
20. i’d take this lesson again (if earthly transcendence was possible) if I had to because nothing can describe the comfort and happiness i’m feeling right now.